DOUBLE FEATURE REVIEW
The Conversion – The Outer Limits and The Apology – Seinfeld
In April we had our first double feature! Beginning with “The Conversion”, an episode of The Outer Limits, and finishing with “The Apology”, episode 9, season 9 of Seinfeld.
Watching “The Conversion”, we don’t just see a sci-fi story, we see the inner landscape of addiction, guilt, and “an actor who wants to run the whole show.” (AA, p. 30) As addicts, we know what it’s like to try to control outcomes and end up causing more harm than we ever intended. Henry’s story begins exactly there. A disgruntled businessman who has just been released from prison after committing a white-collar crime, Henry sets out to fix something, to take power into his own hands, and everything spirals out of control. He attempts to kill his former boss at the staff Christmas party, innocent people are hurt, and he himself is shot. His life becomes unmanageable and now he’s running, not just from the authorities, but from himself.
Then comes the stranger. This figure feels deeply familiar. Not in a literal sense, but spiritually. As recovered addicts, we come to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, something that can see clearly when we cannot. Lucas is a stranger who enters Henry’s life in a moment of desperation and who knows everything about Henry: his past, his motives, his pain. There’s no hiding, no minimizing, no spinning the story. Just the truth.
Isn’t this what we often experience in the rooms of recovery as newcomers? We encounter those in whom the problem has been solved and we are known by strangers who are well versed in our pain.
We see Henry balk at Lucas’s suggestions of a great power at work and this echoes our own prejudices, “At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not.” (AA, p. 58). Henry is living in delusion, he admits that he is afraid of losing his freedom, and Lucas tells him he lost that long ago. Henry is the epitome of an untreated addict, restless, irritable, and discontent and unable to differentiate the true from the false. (AA, p. xxviii)
Lucas could be likened to a Big Book Sponsor, or even to a Higher Power, since he possesses supernatural abilities. When Lucas shakes Henry’s hand he takes on Henry’s bullet wound and when Henry asks “What happened to my wound?” This reminds us of the text of the Big Book, “the problem has been removed.” (AA, p. 85)
Through Henry’s fortuitous encounter with Lucas, he experiences a new dimension of life. Lucas reveals how one life touches another and that this works for both good and ill. He shows Henry how his selfishness has a ripple effect negatively impacting even a little girl whom Henry has never met.
The mystery deepens as Lucas delves into the quantum connection of all people and circumstances. In an act of selflessness Lucas assumes Henry’s identity and takes the fall for Henry’s crimes. Henry, now in the body and identity of Lucas, discovers he has another chance at life. He immediately begins to set matters straight, leaving a large sum of money for the young girl and her father whom he had scammed. The episode closes with Lucas (now in the body and identity of Henry) imprisoned, reaching out his hand to a newly incarcerated man. This idea reflects our 12th Step, to carry the message of recovery and help the next person who is in need of the spiritual principles that solve our problems. (AA, p. 42)
The Apology – Seinfeld
Following this screening, we displayed one of our favourite tenets of recovery – that “we are not a glum lot!” (AA, p. 132) What 90s sitcom depicts the hilarity and insanity of selfishness better than Seinfeld?
In this episode, George desperately wants an apology from Jason Hanky, “Stanky Hanky”, a man in recovery who once insulted him. George wants the apology because his ego is starving and believes these magical words will somehow restore balance to the universe. As addicts, we’ve all had moments where we think: “If this person would just admit they were wrong, then I could finally be okay!”
Let’s face it, as untreated addicts, we are George Kostanza! Spiritually constipated and emotionally litigious. We keep score, build a case, demand justice and we seek emotional compensation for even the smallest slights. George is actually the perfect depiction of an untreated addict plagued by the bedevilments: “having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy.” (AA, p. 52)
The brilliance of the episode is that Hanky refuses to apologize until he actually means it. Which, of course, drives George completely insane. He seeks out Hanky’s sponsor and urges him to drop Hanky back to Step 2: “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” (AA, p.59) “Aha! Let him chew on that for a while!” declares George. Oh Georgey Boy!
Hanky’s sponsor encourages George to come to a meeting, and George assumes he will get retribution when in fact the sponsor has invited George to a Rageaholics Anonymous meeting. At the meeting George starts yelling, “I am not here for rage, I am here for revenge!” George is captive to his own delusions. “Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well?” (AA, p. 61) George wants amends on demand. He treats another person’s spiritual process like customer service.
George hunts down Hanky at his new job, scooping ice cream at Baskin Robbins, and Hanky admits that he was sarcastic and rude to George. This almost satisfies George, but then he remarks that technically, Hanky did not apologize. Hanky gets pushed over the edge and starts yelling that he is not sorry and he was never sorry! He yells, “I hate Step Nine!” and he reaches for the rum raisin ice cream and falls off the wagon.
Not only is this episode hilarious, it also depicts the reality that many of us face on Step Nine, that we really cannot complete this step without willingness. “If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes.” (AA, p. 76)
In classic Seinfeld spirit, nobody learns a heartfelt lesson, George doesn’t awaken spiritually, he just becomes more…George. “The Apology” reminds us that freedom doesn’t come from finally getting the apology we think we deserve, it comes from being able to accept life completely on life’s terms. (AA, p. 417)
Review by MarLa B.